Top 10 Worst Celeb Baby Names Ever
We weigh in on the most unfortunate monikers to come out of Tinseltown — so far.
Is it just us or does it seem like celebs are always trying to out-crazy each other when it comes to naming their babies? Let’s face it, these days it’s weird if they don’t name their kid something nutty. Which is why rounding up the top 10 most bizarre celeb baby names of all time was no easy task. But, hey, somehow we managed. So here they are — the top contenders for worst celeb baby names ever.
1. Jermajesty Jackson (boy)
Parents: Jermaine and Alejandra Jackson
Our take: Oh, Jermaine. We appreciate a good, unique name, but there’s no getting around it — this one’s an epic fail. And as if it even needs to be mentioned: Combining your own name with the word “majesty” sure says a thing or two about your ego now, doesn’t it? Consider this lesson number one in baby naming don’ts.
2. Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee (boy)
Born: September 28, 2003
Parents: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf
Our take: When funnyman Jason Lee named his firstborn Pilot, it was weird enough. But then he went and tacked on “Inspektor” and things got even weirder. Supposedly, Lee was inspired by the Grandaddy song “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s the Pilot” — though we’re not really sure why you’d name your kid after a character in a song who’s basically being called an idiot. As for the inspiration behind “Inspektor,” that one remains a mystery.
3. Banjo Patrick Taylor (boy)
Born: November 22, 2003
Parents: Rachel Griffiths and Andrew Taylor
Our take: Okay, so it’s pretty tame compared to the rest of this bunch. But the name Banjo is still pretty kooky. Rumor has it that Griffiths is a big fan of Australian poet Andrew Barton “Banjo” Paterson, which is where she got the idea. We’re all for naming baby after someone who inspires you, but there’s a fine line between paying homage to your literary heroes and seriously hurting your kid’s rep before he even hits preschool.
4. Rocket Valentino Rodriguez (boy)
Born: September 14, 1995
Parents: Robert Rodriguez and Elizabeth Avellan
Our take: It’s no secret that Sin City director Robert Rodriguez has a reputation for being pretty out-there, so maybe it wasn’t too much of a shock that he named his kid Rocket. And considering he named his other tots Rebel, Racer, Rogue, and Rhiannon (how’d she get off so easily?), Rocket’s in pretty good company.
5. Audio Science Clayton (boy)
Born: May 29, 2003
Parents: Shannyn Sossamon and Dallas Clayton
Our take: Isn’t Audio Science something people get their bachelor’s degree in? Well, if not, it should be. We scoured the web looking for a good reason why two parents would do this to their child and all we could come up with was some quote about wanting “a word, not a name” for their baby. Dad Dallas even went so far as to read the entire dictionary “three or four times” before deciding on this gem of a name.
6. Moon Unit, Dweezil, and Diva Muffin Zappa (girl, boy, girl)
Born: September 28, 1967; September 5, 1969; July 30, 1979
Parents: Frank Zappa and Gail Zappa
Our take: We just didn’t think it would be fair to let these Zappa kids (they have one more brother) take up three slots on our list. Plus, we couldn’t decide which order to put them in (which is worst?). It’s a good thing they all wound up being musicians or actors — can you imagine scheduling a conference call with a Moon Unit? (Come to think of it, that might mix up the workday a bit.)
7. Tu Morrow (girl)
Born: April 25, 2001
Parents: Actor Rob Morrow and wife Debbon Ayer
Our take: Ouch. It’s like this poor girl’s parents sat down and thought of all the not-so-clever nicknames kids would be hurling at her on the playground in years to come and just beat everybody to the punch. Then again, with a mom named Debbon Ayer (yes, debonair), guess we can’t be all that surprised. Still, our final verdict on this one? Weak sauce.
8. Sage Moonblood Stallone (boy)
Born: May 5, 1976
Parents: Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack
Our take: Creepy! Sage we can deal with — it’s earthy, we dig it. We can even get over the fact that it’s usually a girl’s name, but Sly chose it for his baby boy. But Sage Moonblood? Pretty intense combo. Moonblood alone sounds like the name of one of the Twilight sagas, not a baby. Sorry Sly, this one gets two thumbs down.
9. Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldolf (girl)
Born: March 16, 1989
Parents: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates
Our take: Newsflash, Bob Geldof: Giving your daughter four extra middle names doesn’t detract from the fact that her real name is Peaches Honeyblossom. (Though, sadly, nothing does.) At least she’s in good company, with sisters Fifi Trixibelle and Pixie sporting similarly nutty names. But even so, it’s gotta be tough getting through high school with a name that sounds like it’s straight out of an ’80s kids’ cartoon gone terribly wrong.
10. Seven Sirius Benjamin (boy)
Born: November 18, 1997
Parents: Erykah Badu and Andre 3000
Our take: If you were a little weirded out when Erykah Badu and Jay Electronica named their baby daughter Mars Merkaba last year, consider this: At least little Mars can get advice on how to deal from her big bro, who’s been living with the name Seven Sirius for a while now. Rough. We’re still scratching our heads over "Seven," but we did a little research and apparently "Sirius" isn’t just a name for satellite radio — it’s also the name of the brightest star in the sky. Don’t get us wrong, it’s still pretty cuckoo, but we’ll give Mom a few points for originality.