What to Know About Gentle Sleep Training—and Should You Try It?

Sleep training baby—especially if you use a method like cry it out, like I did with my three boys—isn’t for the faint of heart. Although the end result (no more crying for us at night, hallelujah) was worth it a million times over, the road to get there pulled at my heartstrings big time—because who likes to hear baby cry?

While this strategy worked for my family, many others prefer a “softer” approach to sleep training. That’s where gentle sleep training methods come in: They involve fewer tears (from baby and parents alike!) and more soothing along the way. Learn about gentle sleep training techniques, including their pros and cons, ahead.

Key Takeaways

• Gentle sleep training refers to a variety of sleep training methods that try to minimize crying through soothing baby at specific times.
• Gentle sleep training methods include the chair method, the pick-up- put-down method, the shush-pat and bedtime fading.
• When to start: You can begin gentle sleep training when baby’s at least 4 months old and you have your pediatrician’s approval.
• The main benefit of gentle sleep training is less crying, which can make it more emotionally manageable for parents.
• Downsides of gentle sleep training include that it can take longer than methods like cry it out—around two to three weeks to see results. Of course, many families choose not to sleep train at all.

What Is Gentle Sleep Training?

“Gentle sleep training is an umbrella term that refers to approaches that help baby learn to fall asleep independently while parents continue to offer consistent reassurance and support,” explains Dr. Angela Holliday-Bell, MD, a pediatrician and certified sleep specialist.

Gentle sleep training first originated as an alternative to more rigid techniques such as cry it out and the Ferber method. While gentle sleep training methods vary, they typically involve staying in the room with your little one and providing comfort for some period of time.

Of course, “gentle” is a subjective term. “We all have different ideas of what ‘gentle’ looks like,” points out Cara Dumaplin, a former neonatal nurse, certified pediatric sleep consultant and the founder of Taking Cara Babies. “There truly isn’t one method that’s universally accepted as gentle.”

Sleep training without crying, however, usually isn’t realistic—so even the most gentle sleep training method involves tears. The term is often misconstrued to mean “zero tears, zero protest, zero discomfort,” says Rosalie Kassen, RN, a registered nurse, certified pediatric sleep consultant and co-founder of Plume Sleep Solutions. “And that’s simply not a realistic standard for any approach that involves change.”

What Are the Gentle Sleep Training Methods?

Read ahead for an outline of the most commonly used gentle sleep training methods.

The chair method

In this gentle sleep training technique, “a parent stays beside the crib and gradually moves farther away every few nights until the child can fall asleep without them,” Dr. Holliday-Bell explains. With this method, you don’t pick up baby or take them out of the crib to comfort them.

How to do it:

• To use the chair method, start with your typical bedtime routine.
• Place baby in their crib drowsy but awake (if that’s at all possible for you!).
• Stay seated in a chair near the crib while baby starts to fall asleep. “Parents provide reassurance through their presence and, if needed, through brief verbal or physical comfort, such as patting or holding a hand,” explains Jenn Schoen, a certified pediatric sleep consultant with Poppins.
• Every few nights, move the chair (and yourself) a little bit further away from the crib and closer to the door. Over time, the chair should make its way to the hallway—staying there until your little one can fall asleep on their own. “Most families see meaningful progress within two to three weeks,” Schoen says.

The pick up, put down method

Pick up, put down is a highly responsive gentle sleep training method where “any time baby’s crying, the parent picks them up,” Dumaplin says. Once baby calms down, put them down in the crib—and then repeat the process as many times as necessary until they fall asleep.

How to do it:

• Similar to the chair method, pick up, put down starts with the bedtime routine.
• Next, place baby in the crib while they’re sleepy, but fully asleep (again, we know this can be tricky!).
• From there, “parents comfort baby by picking them up when they’re crying, then placing them back in the crib once they’re calm,” Schoen explains. “The process is repeated as needed until baby falls asleep.”
• With time, the number of pick-ups and put-downs decreases and eventually makes its way to zero. But, like with all gentle sleep training methods, the progress is gradual—typically over two to three weeks—and “requires a lot of consistency,” says Dr. Holliday-Bell.

The shush-pat method

The shush-pat method involves soothing baby by making a loud “shhh” noise and patting them gently until they fall asleep.

How to do it:

• This gentle sleep training method starts just like the others—with a solid bedtime routine and baby going into the crib drowsy but awake.
• Then, “if baby becomes upset, parents provide comfort by gently shushing and patting or rubbing them while keeping them in the crib,” Schoen explains.
• Over time, the amount of soothing required to get baby into a deep slumber should steadily decrease until they’re able to fall asleep independently. “Families typically see steady improvement over two to three weeks,” says Schoen.

Bedtime fading

Bedtime fading is a gentle sleep training technique that helps move baby’s bedtime earlier if they happen to be nightowls. It involves “temporarily setting bedtime closer to when the child naturally falls asleep, then gradually moving it earlier” to the bedtime you want for them, says pediatrician Dr. Holliday-Bell.

How to do it:

• Take a few days to observe when baby naturally falls asleep on their own. Then, make that your new temporary bedtime. Anchor their morning wakeup to the same time every day (for example, 7 a.m.)—this is crucial to reset their internal clock.
• Once baby starts falling asleep easily within 15 minutes of the temporary bedtime for two to three nights in a row, move bedtime earlier by 15 minutes.
• Continue this shift backwards every few days until you reach your desired bedtime for your little one. “Parents may see improvement within several days, though reaching the desired bedtime can take a week or two,” Dr. Holliday-Bell says.

When Can You Start Gentle Sleep Training?

Although you might be anxious to catch some quality rest, experts agree that you shouldn’t start any type of sleep training until baby’s at least 4 months old. Prior to that, “babies simply aren’t developmentally ready,” pediatric sleep consultant Schoen explains. (That’s keeping in mind that sleep training isn’t right for every baby, and you shouldn’t feel pressured by anyone into making this decision.)

But around 3 to 4 months, babies begin producing enough melatonin—the sleep-regulating hormone—to form more predictable sleep cycles. At the same time, a developmental leap happens that allows baby to transition from erratic newborn sleep toward more adult-like sleep stages. Before these two milestones, any attempt at sleep training typically takes longer and involves more crying, Dumaplin adds.

“Sleep training is most effective when baby’s biology is ready to support it,” Schoen says. “Waiting until they’re developmentally ready often makes the process much more successful.”

You can still help baby form healthy sleep habits from the day you bring them home. “You can begin influencing healthy patterns right from the start,” says Jerika Gimpel, RN, an NICU nurse, certified pediatric sleep consultant and co-founder of Plume Sleep Solutions. This can look like establishing a simple, but calming bedtime routine and practicing placing baby in the bassinet or crib when they’re not yet fully asleep. “Parents can build healthy sleep foundations through consistent routines and age-appropriate opportunities to fall asleep independently,” Dr. Holliday-Bell explains. These early habits can help set the stage for future success with sleep training, if you choose it.

Signs Baby Is Ready for Gentle Sleep Training

Here are a few signs baby might be ready for gentle sleep training:

• They’re at least 4 months old
• Baby’s healthy and gaining weight appropriately
• You have approval from your pediatrician. “Parents should confirm readiness with their pediatrician, especially if there are concerns about growth, feeding, prematurity or medical conditions,” Dr. Holliday-Bell says.
• You feel comfortable choosing sleep training as a family, regardless of anybody else’s opinion for or against it

It could also be time to consider sleep training when “what you’re currently doing stops feeling sustainable,” says Gimpel. “Sleep training doesn’t need to happen at a specific milestone. It becomes relevant when difficult bedtimes, frequent night wakings, early mornings or short naps start affecting your family’s wellbeing.”

Parents need to make sure they’re ready too. Gentle sleep training methods require consistency to be successful, and you shouldn’t start until you’re prepared to dedicate time, energy and effort. “You’ll see the best results when you’re able to use the same approach at bedtime, naps and night wakings for the duration of the process,” Schoen advises.

How Long Does Gentle Sleep Training Take?

“Most families see meaningful progress within two to three weeks” with gentle sleep training techniques, says Schoen. With the firmer methods, such as cry it out and Ferber, you can often see improvement within a week. (Although my youngest took two weeks—it was brutal.) “You’re often exchanging speed for support,” adds Schoen.

Exactly how long gentle sleep training takes varies on the child and their temperament. “Some babies adapt quickly regardless of how gradually you move; for others, a slower pace means less protest along the way, though it can also prolong the overall process,” says Kassen.

What Are the Benefits of Gentle Sleep Training?

The primary benefit of using a gentle sleep training method is that it lets you soothe baby to some extent. “Baby will still likely cry,” emphasizes Dr. Erin Flynn-Evans, PhD, MPH, co-founder of Baby Sleep Science, but gentle sleep training typically results in less prolonged crying spells because of parent reassurance and comfort. “This can feel more emotionally comfortable for families who don’t want to have longer periods of crying,” Dr. Holliday-Bell says.

And when the process feels more emotionally manageable to parents, they’re more likely to be consistent, “which matters enormously,” Kassen says. “Consistency is one of the most critical factors in sleep training. If we’re constantly shifting our response, we create a confusing situation for the child and almost always slow progress.” When you feel comfortable with your approach, you’re more likely to keep it up.

What Are the Downsides to Gentle Sleep Training?

For many parents, the biggest downside to gentle sleep training is that it almost always takes longer than the stricter options. “For families who are significantly sleep-deprived and need results quickly, that can feel unsustainable,” Kassen says.

The gradual approach can be draining—especially when the sleep training drags on for multiple weeks. “Parents should be prepared to apply the same approach at every bedtime, nap and night waking for two to three weeks,” Schoen points out. “It can be physically and emotionally demanding.”

Gentle sleep training methods can also sometimes be more upsetting for babies. “Frequent parental involvement can sometimes make it harder for certain babies to settle,” Dr. Holliday-Bell adds. “Some children also become more upset when a parent remains nearby but doesn’t provide their usual level of help.” This was the case with my oldest son: We initially tried to offer comfort at timed intervals, but that ultimately made him more upset. That was how we determined the extinction method to be a better approach—for him and for us.

Lastly, for many parents, the downside of gentle sleep training is that they don’t want baby to cry at all—and it’s hard to do any form of sleep training without some degree of crying. Research explains that baby crying is an attachment behavior; they’re seeking emotional comfort and physical co-regulation. Even if baby’s not hungry and there’s nothing else “wrong,” many parents would rather offer emotional comfort than intentionally leave baby to cry—for any period of time.

Which Sleep Training Method Is Right for Your Family?

If you choose to sleep train, there are a variety of methods available. To figure out which one’s right for you, it’s important to consider baby’s temperament, your current sleep struggles, your family’s goals and your parenting style. “There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to sleep training,” Schoen says. “A method that works well for one child may be the wrong fit for another.”

Families who are looking for the fastest possible results—or whose child’s sleep is significantly affecting their health—may find that a more regimented approach, such as the extinction or Ferber method, is the way to go. Others who want to minimize crying might lean toward gentle sleep training methods. Ultimately, the biggest factor in picking a sleep training method is figuring out a plan you can follow through with. “Parents should choose an approach they can follow consistently, since frequent switching can make the process more confusing,” Dr. Holliday-Bell says.

The bottom line? “Parents should know that it’s okay to sleep train in the room, out of the room or skip sleep training altogether,” Dr. Flynn-Evans says. “There’s no best approach that works for all babies.”

To Sum It Up

Gentle sleep training is made up of several techniques where parents stay with baby to offer them support, comfort and reassurance as they start to sleep independently. These methods, which include the chair method, the pick-up-put-down method, shush-pat and bedtime fading, aim to minimize tears (though there’ll still be some crying). If you decide to embark on gentle sleep training for your little one, prepare to be consistent with your method and patient for the results.

How We Developed This Article

Many parents are interested in sleep training, but don’t want to let baby cry for prolonged periods of time. That’s where gentle sleep training comes in. To learn about gentle sleep training methods, plus its benefits and downsides, we spoke with a pediatrician and certified sleep specialist, four certified pediatric sleep consultants and a sleep scientist.

After editing, this article was vetted through fact-check and reviewed by our pediatrician medical adviser. Learn more about how we ensure the accuracy of our content through our editorial and medical review process.

About the author: Lynsey Eidell is an experienced parenting, lifestyle and entertainment writer. She’s also well-versed in the world of sleep training, as she has gone through the throes of it with her three kids. She’s an alumni of Villanova University, where she received a degree in English, and a native of Fairfield County, Connecticut, where she currently lives.

Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.