Parenting is hard work—and sometimes mama just needs a drink. So what’s going to really hit the spot? We might not be sommeliers, but we know just the thing for handling whatever motherhood happens to throw your way. Whether you’re dealing with diaper blowouts or drying tantrum tears, here are our (tongue-in-cheek) suggestions for which wines and cocktails pair best with life’s various parenting moments.
Best Wine Pairings
Whether you’re celebrating or throwing a pity party, one of these tasty pours is bound to hit the right note.
When Baby Has Their Second Blowout of the Day
Pair with: Scholium Project “Blowout” Sparkling Wine 2015, $24, Wine.com
Two blowouts, one day? Talk about a bummer. Treat yourself with some aptly named bubbly.
For Toddler Tantrums Where Tears Fall Like Waterfalls
Pair with: Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio 2017, $22, Wine.com
When it comes to toddlers, it can feel like everything is cause for a tantrum. From being told they can’t wear their diaper as a hat to Minnie Mouse not being available for a playdate, toddlers can find a lot to cry about. Ward off any waterworks of your own with this refreshingly dry Pinot Grigio.
When You’re Solo Parenting for the Day
Pair with: Sabotage Cabernet Sauvignon 2015, $35, Vivino.com
A partner going out of town can really mess with your usual parenting routine. Solution: Nurse a glass of “Sabotage” once you manage to get your little one to bed and count down the hours ‘til help comes home.
When Baby Has Peed on You Too Many Times to Count Today
Pair with: Freixenet Cordon Negro Extra Dry, $10, TotalWine.com
On your third outfit change of the day? You need something extra dry to take the edge off. Slip into your final–and coziest–outfit to enjoy this earthy, fruity sparkling wine.
When Both Your Kids Throw a Fit at the Same Time
Pair with: Jamieson Ranch Vineyards Double Lariat Cabernet Sauvignon 2015, $36, Vivino.com
All we have to say is: double trouble. For a meltdown this massive, this plum-red cab is just heavy enough to tamp down your panic.
For Those Summer Days Spent Pool-Side Convincing Your Toddler to Get in the Water
Pair with: Pool Boy Rosé 2017, $13, Vivino.com
So you’re kiddo isn’t feeling the pool–for the second summer in a row. You could use a friend. Let us introduce you to your new BFF: the Pool Boy.
When Your MomTribe Is in Town
Pair with: Wolffer No.139 Dry Rose Cider, $14, TotalWine.com
There’s nothing quite like hanging with your mom friends, but as all busy parents know, finding time to get together can be tough. So when you and your besties can finally have a night together, that’s cause for celebration. Grab a glass and toast to yourselves!
When You’ve Been Stuck Inside with the Kids All Day
Pair with: Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc, $30, TotalWine.com
Trudging through a rainy–or should we say cloudy–day? Being trapped inside with little ones is bound to spark some cabin fever. Luckily, this New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc has all the tropical notes you’ll need to feel like you’re on vacation.
When Nothing Seems to Be Going Right
Pair with: Mommy’s Time Out Delicious Red, $8, MyCanals.com
After all the time outs you’ve given today, you deserve a little break of your own. It might not be the extra set of hands you need to help wrangle your little ones, this fruity Italian wine will make your own “time out” as relaxing as possible.
When You’ve Got a Baby on Board
Pair with: Martinelli’s 150th Label Sparkling Cider, $46 for 6-pack, Martinellis.com
While you’ll have to stay away from the hard stuff, there’s no reason you can’t still celebrate with a little (non-alcoholic) bubbly. Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider will do just the trick.
Best Cocktail Pairings
If wine isn’t your thing (or you just need something a little stronger), check out our top cocktail pairings.
When You Hit the 4-Month Sleep Regression
Pair with: A mimosa
When baby has kept you up all. night. long., a revitalizing A.M. cocktail can help put things right. Grab your favorite bubbly, add that extra dose of vitamin C and enjoy your morning.
When You Book Your First Family Vacation
Pair with: A rum runner
Time to get tropical! Your first vacation with baby is a majorly exciting milestone. Get in the spirit with this fruity rum cocktail and start prepping for life on island time.
When Your Toddler Learns the Word “No”
Pair with: An old fashioned
Hearing your child add “no” to their vocabulary is pretty bitter-sweet—after all, it might be the only thing that comes out of their mouth for the foreseeable future. Sit back and enjoy your bitter-laden drink, and remember the good ol’ days before your tot could veto everything and anything.
When You Make it Through a Dinner Out Without Baby Crying
Pair with: A martini
This classic drink is the queen of all cocktails, and after managing to keep baby cool and collected while dining out, you’re just as much of a queen. Celebrate your victory with this boozy staple.
When You Eliminate Your Toddler’s Second Nap
Pair with: A White Russian
Naptime is pretty much your only chance to sit down without a tiny human demanding all of your attention—so when your child transitions from two daily naps down to one, you’re bound to be tired. Perk up with this decidedly more fun version of an iced coffee.
When Your Play Area Is a Disaster
Pair with: A margarita
Whether you want it frozen, plain or spicy, a margarita is exactly the cocktail you need to combat the mess. If you’re as salty as that salted rim, give this cocktail a try.
When You’ve Had a Rough Week of Parenting and Need to Detox
Pair with: Yogi DeTox Tea, $24 for 6-pack, Amazon.com
We get it–some weeks are rougher than others. If you’ve worked your way through our list of wine and cocktail pairings, a detox might be exactly what you need. This herbal tea blend is the perfect antidote to your parenting woes.
Published May 2019
Plus, more from The Bump: