Are You a Silky Mom? Here’s How to Tell

If you’re a mom and you like a good TikTok scroll before bed (and who among us doesn’t), you’ve likely encountered the silky mom archetype. The silky mom is a mom of modern conveniences: Her kids are eating Fruit Loops and watching CoComelon on their tablets, she swears by sleep training and she trusts her pediatrician’s advice. You’ve likely met this mom on the playground—or maybe you are her.

TikTok creator Sarah, aka @thatsilkymama, describes silky-momness this way: “I’m a silky mom… Sometimes my kids eat food with dye in it,” she says. “I’m a silky mom… of course my kids’ toothpaste has fluoride in it.” In another video, she explains that she prefers using the stroller over babywearing, buys her bread from the store and uses the cult SNOO bassinet.

Want to find out if you’re a silky mom, see the differences between a silky mom vs. a crunchy mom, and learn more about the benefits and drawbacks of the silky mom lifestyle? Read on.

Key Takeaways

• Silky moms make parenting choices based on ease and efficiency, and tend to be more trusting of mainstream parenting practices and medical institutions.
• Silky moms may experience less burnout and have more time for self-care, and may feel more supported by society. At the same time, this style has been criticized for being lax about things like screen time and processed foods.
• The silky mom’s opposite is the crunchy mom, who’s less trusting of mainstream parenting advice and bases many of her decisions on nature and intuition.

What Is a Silky Mom?

A silky mom leans into mainstream parenting practices, making choices based on convenience and technology, experts say. “She typically embraces conventional medical care; trusts pediatric recommendations and may prefer hospital births, formula feeding or scheduled breastfeeding, sleep training, the use of technology and convenience-based baby gear,” explains Lilit Ayrapetyan, PsyD, a clinical psychologist with a focus on maternal mental health. “As a result, silky moms often feel supported by their various healthcare providers and may benefit from predictability, structure and community norms, as they offer peace of mind.”

Benefits of Being a Silky Mom

The silky mom values ease and efficiency. There are a few benefits to this approach:

• Silky moms may experience less parental burnout, stress and guilt, says Erika Stapert, PsyD, a psychologist and clinical director of training and professional development at Manhattan Psychology Group in New York City.
• They may have more time and energy for their kids and their own self-care, adds Stapert.
• Their kids may learn independent skills earlier.
• As Ayrapetyan says, they may feel more supported by mainstream society since their views are often considered “the norm.”

Drawbacks of Being a Silky Mom

There are also potential disadvantages to being a silky mom:

• “Critics might say this style can be too rigid or overly reliant on external validation,” says Ayrapetyan.
• Stapert says that food ingredients like additives and extra sugar can make kids more hyper (and lead to health issues down the road).
• “Too much screen time—especially if it’s not monitored—can lead to behavior challenges or exposure to things that aren’t age-appropriate,” says Stapert. For both processed food and screen time, the key is moderation—at which many silky moms are pros.

Silky Mom vs. Crunchy Mom

There are key differences between a silky mom and a crunchy mom. “Silky moms embrace modern, often medicalized parenting solutions, while crunchy moms tend to question those systems and opt for more natural, instinct-driven approaches,” says Ayrapetyan. “One prioritizes science and convenience, the other prioritizes nature and intuition. But it’s not a competition, just different values and priorities.”

Stapert says silky moms tend to choose disposable, easy-to-use products instead of their eco-friendly alternatives, like disposable diapers over cloth diapers. They’re also more likely to choose traditional schools vs. homeschooling and plastic, light-up toys vs. DIY-ing their own activities.

Then, there’s the crunchy mom: She makes her own baby food, breastfeeds her toddler and co-sleeps, and avoids toxins in her kids’ products as much as she can. She’s more likely to avoid birth interventions or even opt for a home birth, and is generally more skeptical of medical institutions.

There are lots of strong opinions online, just like there are in real-life parenting. But most of us real moms actually don’t neatly fit into one category or the other—we fall somewhere in-between on the silky vs. crunchy spectrum. That’s why the “scrunchy” mom, a hybrid of the two, is so relatable: “She’s a little silky, a little crunchy,” says Ayrapetyan. “She might breastfeed and use disposable diapers… or make her own baby food while also offering the occasional pouch snack. Flexibility is a scrunchy mom’s parenting superpower.”

Real Silky Moms on Parenting

Here’s what self-proclaimed silky moms have to say about their parenting style:

• “I was always more of a silky mom. I used a baby monitor when sleeping, disposable diapers and disposable milk bags. Now that my kids are in school, we use smartphones and tracking devices in their bookbags and debit cards for allowance and chores. I guess my crunchy side is that I don’t allow high-fructose corn syrup in the house and we tend to eat whole foods (but I don’t fuss when the kids are invited to a pizza and candy party).” — Michelle Carswell, senior manager of vendor insights at The Knot Worldwide and mom of two
• “I’m definitely a silky mom. My partner and I both work full-time, so packaged snacks and screen time just make our lives easier. You won’t see me baking my own bread!” — Caroline T., mom of one in Providence, Rhode Island
• “When my ob-gyn asked me what my birth plan was, I told her I wanted to be involved as little as possible. I don’t want to feel much. Just evacuate him.” — Rachel, aka @Rachonlife, TikTok creator

Are You a Silky, Crunchy or Scrunchy Mom? Find Out

So, are you a silky, crunchy or scrunchy mom? Check out our quiz below—and make sure to share your results with us!

Maybe you’re a total silky mom—or maybe you can’t relate at all. It’s all in good fun: All mom types (or outside-the-box types) are welcome here. “Do I think either style is better? No,” says @thatsilkymama, the TikTok creator. “And what’s best for my family might not be the best for yours. … To me, life is all about balance, and labels like this can be helpful in finding like-minded parents. But don’t think too long about it. We all want what’s best for our kids, and we’re doing our best.”

Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.