Worst Celeb Baby Names of 2009

The rundown on the wackiest baby monikers we’ve heard this year.
Save article
ByKaitlin Stanford
Updated
Mar 2017
Hero Image

It’s no secret that celebrities have a long track record of cranking out some cringe-worthy names for their offspring. Last year, it was Bronx Mowgli and Zuma Nesta Rock that left us wondering. But this year, Hollywood’s moms and dads stepped up their A game. While the rest of us were busy naming our babes oldies but goodies like Emma and Noah, celebs were taking things to new lows. Read as we weigh in on the headline-making baby names of ’09 that had us all shaking our heads.

Sparrow James Midnight Madden

Parents: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden

Our take: Okay, so they had us at Harlow; but Sparrow? Just what exactly Nicole Richie and Joel Madden were thinking when they named their second baby after a small bird is beyond us. To be fair, throwing in “Midnight” definitely helps make the kid sound a little more badass, but let’s be honest — with a name like Sparrow, he’s going to have a pretty tough time on the playground.

Heavenly Joy Jerkins

Parents: Joy Enriquez and Rodney Jerkins

Our take: We don’t know about you, but Heavenly Joy sounds more like an eau de toilette spray we used to wear back in junior high than a name for baby. And we’re going to have to subtract a few more points for overkill. We give a big thumbs-down to this one.

Atlas Heche Tupper

Parents: Anne Heche and James Tupper

Our take: Let’s not beat around the bush: Sharing a name with a giant book of maps has got to suck. But we’re sure he’ll get plenty of advice on how to deal from his big bro, who’s stuck with the name Homer Laffoon for life. So far, he’s gotten the better deal in that family, but that’s not saying much.

Related Video

Mars Merkaba

Parents: Erykah Badu and Jay Electronica

Our take: We feel for this kid — growing up with the name Mars isn’t going to be easy, especially for a girl. We can already hear the fourth-grade jokes getting hurled at recess… But with a mom like Erykah Badu, we can’t say we didn’t see this one coming, considering she named her firstborn Seven Sirius. (For real.)

Bandit Lee Way

Parents: Lindsey Ballato and Gerard Way

Our take: When you give your baby girl a name like Bandit, you’ve got to be more or less certain your kid’s going to turn out to be pretty edgy. At least, we hope this tot can do the name some justice; but that’s a pretty big cross to bear.

Ikhyd Edgar Arular Bronfman

Parents: M.I.A. and Benjamin Bronfman

Our take: When your mom’s wacky songstress M.I.A., an ordinary life probably isn’t in your future. So we knew this poor kid would probably wind up getting a “unique” name. But Ikhyd? That’s the kind of name that gets you picked last in dodgeball.

Petal Blossom Rainbow Oliver

Parents: Jools and Jamie Oliver

Our take: Can’t say we were shocked by this unfortunate choice. After all, celeb chef Jamie Oliver and wife Jools seem to have a penchant for giving their kids names straight out of a _My Little Pony _episode. Their two other children have the lifelong tribulation of being named Daisy Boo and Poppy Honey.

Gunner Flowers

Parents: Tana and Brandon Flowers

Our take: We’re definitely not big fans of this one, but at least we can _sort _of see where they were coming from. After all, when your dad’s a famous rock star, you need a pretty tough name to make up for the fact that your last name is Flowers.

Save article

This Is What Karlie Kloss and Josh Kushner Named Their Son

Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
04/19/2021

This Is the Name Experts Predict Harry and Meghan Will Give Baby No. 2

Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
02/23/2021

27 of the Most Memorable Celebrity Baby Names

Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
02/16/2021

This Is What Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik Named Their Daughter

Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
01/22/2021

Emma Roberts Shares First Photo and the Name of Her Newborn Son

Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
01/13/2021

Ashley Graham Reveals Sweet Story Behind Son’s Name

Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
08/17/2020

Katy Perry Reveals Why She’s Not Picking a Baby Name Just Yet

Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
06/23/2020

Elon Musk and Grimes Explain Meaning Behind New Son’s Unconventional Name

Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
05/07/2020

These Are the Most Popular Celebrities Parents Name Baby After

Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
02/24/2020

Ashley Graham Reveals Birth Story and Son’s Name in Podcast Episode

Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
02/04/2020

Lauren Burnham and Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s Baby Is Almost Here!

Stephanie Grassullo
Associate Editor
Published
05/29/2019

Baby Sussex’s Name Is Officially Revealed

Stephanie Grassullo
Associate Editor
Published
05/08/2019

The Royal Family May Have Accidentally Revealed Baby Sussex’s Name and Sex

Stephanie Grassullo
Associate Editor
Published
04/30/2019
Article removed.