I think your body is perfectly normal
Most people feel self-conscious. But I always say 99 percent of women are completely normal and pretty much the same. Chances are you’re not going to have anything I haven’t seen before.
I hate it when you have to wait
If your appointment doesn’t happen on time, that means I’m either overbooked or had to deal with an unexpected delivery or emergency. Either way, it’s stressful for you, me and my staff, and we do everything we can to avoid this situation.
There’s almost nothing you can do or say that will shock me
From lesbian lovers to exotic piercings to eating your own placenta, it really takes a lot to surprise me.
I would love a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t
Okay, most people are respectful, but I’ve had patients request my returning vacation flight information so they could meet me at the hospital, others have demanded their due date be on a very specific day (such as 12/12/12), and one even insisted on a certain number of staples in her c-section scar because it had a special significance in her life!
I (usually) don’t remember your personal details
While you’re in the office, I have your chart right in front of me. Some docs write down additional personal information to chat about during your visit (Megan loves pizza; her dog is named Max). But if I see you out in public, there’s a chance that I’ll have absolutely no idea who you are.
I’m very tired
During residency, I worked more than 100 waking hours per week. In private practice, it’s been reduced to a wimpy 80 or so hours. It defies logic that I can even function.
I really don’t want you to sue me
I truly will do my very best to care for you and your unborn baby. But sometimes, bad things happen, and if they do, then I will do absolutely everything in my power to manage the situation and keep you and your partner a part of the decision-making process. In the rare case of a less-than-perfect outcome, I feel crushed too.
My job isn’t what I thought it would be, but I still love taking care of you and delivering your baby
I want to know each and every patient as well as your families. I wanted to send everyone holiday cards and spend lots of time with you. But with all the insurance companies, hospitals, and big pharmacy and medical boards that I have to contend with, a person can only do so much. My love of taking care of you and your unborn baby is still alive, but this other stuff is simply killing me.
I’m only human
I have to go to the bathroom and change my tampon just like every other woman. I also have the occasional argument with my spouse and get annoyed when stuck in traffic.
I do take things personally
I truly want to provide the very best health care possible for you and your baby. Please talk with me honestly, and let’s work together to make the best of our relationship.
The Bump Expert: Susan Warhus, MD, OB-GYN, cofounder of the largest all-female practice in Arizona, who has delivered more than 3,000 babies!
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