Labor & Delivery Nurse On What Surprised Her About Her Own Childbirth

There are some things that you can read about, research, and even witness firsthand, yet still not truly understand until they happen to you. One of those things is childbirth.

In a now-viral TikTok, Neda (@hijabiluscious), a former labor and delivery nurse turned nurse practitioner, shared what she learned after becoming a labor and delivery patient herself—a perspective she hadn’t fully grasped despite her 12 years of medical experience.

“Being a labor and delivery patient two weeks ago absolutely humbled me as a medical provider,” she begins. The first thing she gained new insight into? Sleep. “I underestimated how much a lack of sleep in the hospital just affects everything,” she says. “It didn’t matter that on the first day of induction with Cytotec was painless. I still could not sleep.” Between the constant beeping of alarms and responding to codes that triggered her professional instincts, Neda was finally ready to push after being awake for 36 hours.

“Before my experience, I had completely underestimated how much energy it actually takes to push, and while suffering from insomnia?!” she adds. “Even on a normal, non-pregnant day at home, if I had suffered from insomnia the night before, I am not working out: I am too tired. But here I was, expected to push a baby for three hours while on no sleep.”

Contributing to her exhaustion was another unexpected challenge—her epidural didn’t work as she had anticipated. “In all my years of doing labor and delivery, I was under the impression that the epidural would allow me to sleep,” she explains. “Wrong!” While some women find relief and rest from their epidurals, Neda experienced a host of other issues beyond contraction pain. “Within two hours, I started to feel the shakes, I felt like I had to take the most atrocious poop of my life, and then before I knew it, it was time to push.”

The big push brought up what Neda considers the biggest misconception she was taught—that pressure does not equal pain. “I had a great epidural, but that does not numb that rectal pressure for everybody. So by 2:30 a.m. when it was time to push, I had not slept in 36 hours and I had not eaten in over 20 hours…so my ability to push was running on sheer willpower and delusion.”

“I started nodding off between contractions, I started to feel like there was a boulder at my butthole every time there was a contraction. I couldn’t take directions very well, and I don’t really remember what was going on. And I just might do the same thing all over again in two years because postpartum amnesia is real.”

Despite all she learned, Neda remains firm in her belief that medical professionals don’t necessarily have to experience something themselves to be good at assisting others. “I am not saying you have to give birth to be a good labor and delivery nurse,” she adds. “There are plenty of ICU nurses who are amazing and have never had a heart attack. Similarly, I’ve worked with nurses who’ve had five kids and somehow lack compassion for their patients.”

But hey, a little perspective doesn’t hurt.

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