Science Explains Why We Forget All About the Pain of Labor and Delivery

I just celebrated my daughter’s seventh birthday. On each of her birthdays, I think back to the night she was born. And let me tell you—I can still viscerally remember every torso-grinding moment of my labor. Although giving birth was (obviously) painful, it also left me in complete awe—of myself and of everyone who has ever done it throughout history. Whether or not we “forget” the intensity of our labor pain (and some women say they do!), the raw, life-changing experience of childbirth stays with us forever.

So why exactly is it that some of us remember the pain of labor and delivery, while others seem to have wiped it from their memory? Science says that it’s individual and that many factors come into play.

Ahead, learn more from experts and real moms about why some of us seem to forget our labor pain—and why, for others, it may never completely leave us.

Key Takeaways

• Some people get hazy on the pain of their labor and delivery; it’s usually more of a softening of their memory as opposed to literally not remembering.
• On the other hand, it’s normal and well-documented for moms to remember the pain of childbirth even years later.
• Situational and personal factors can shape how we perceive and remember the pain of childbirth, making pain memories difficult to study and measure.
• How we process, describe and feel about our birth experiences can change how we remember them over time.

Do Women Really Forget the Pain of Labor and Delivery?

Some women truly do seem to forget the pain of labor and delivery. They can recall details of the experience, but can’t seem to access the acute intensity of it. “I vividly remember the emotions—especially the love, but the physical pain? It’s a blur,” says Tirza J., a mom of two in Phoenix, Arizona. For moms who’ve forgotten the gnarly details, it’s usually not due to actual memory loss but more likely that the memory has softened over time.

However, if that’s not your experience, you’re not alone. Studies show that for many, like myself, the strong memory of the pain sticks with us. A 2014 study of over 1,000 Japanese moms who gave birth in the early 2000s found that the women studied remembered their childbirth experiences clearly five years later—even the painful parts.

Most research on the topic of remembering the pain of childbirth concludes that it’s incredibly variable and multifactorial—and hard to measure. Both pain perception and memory are complex and modifiable. A 2016 study showed that overall satisfaction with the birth experience, the presence or lack of complications and the use of pain relief options all contribute to the memory of pain. In other words, it isn’t only about the initial pain itself, but also about how we perceive the circumstances in which we experienced it and how our brain stores and processes it over time.

Reasons We May “Forget”

For those who do paint the experience with rose-colored glasses—what could be behind the baby-scented amnesia? Read on to explore more (and see if you relate!).

Our hormones help out

Biology has a helpful way of flooding us with hormonal goodness right after our babies are born, which can help blur our more negative memories. “After birth, the body releases high levels of oxytocin—the bonding hormone—which not only supports attachment to baby, but also helps soften the memory of pain,” says Janet Bayramyan, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Encino, California. “Evolutionarily, this may increase the likelihood of having more children.”

We tend to put painful memories in “storage”

Some women say that the positive experiences of bonding with baby can override memories of a painful childbirth. “The joy, awe and relief of meeting baby can create a peak emotional experience that, over time, takes precedence in memory over the discomfort,” says Bayramyan. “In trauma work, we see a similar effect—strong emotional states can either magnify or mute other details.” Some women also reframe their birth stories—focusing on their own power and capability. “For some, the memory of the pain might fade because it becomes replaced with positive feelings about their strength and how their body brought a life into the world,” explains Abrah Sprung, PhD, PMH-C, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Englewood, New Jersey.

Cultural conditioning might come into play

It’s no secret that moms are held to a high bar—society expects us to be “supermoms” and weather any storm without complaint. This expectation could potentially subconsciously affect how we process our childbirth journeys. “Women are taught that suffering makes us ‘better’ moms, so we normalize and minimize the pain,” says Brooke S., a mom of two in Oakland, California. It’s possible some moms “forget” the pain because we believe we’re “supposed” to.

Our brains filter out some of the hard stuff

Our brain has an amazing way of helping us move past painful or traumatic experiences. “The hippocampus and amygdala work together to process memories, but the brain’s wired to prioritize survival,” says Bayramyan. “[Acute] pain that’s no longer a threat often gets stored in less detail, especially when it’s overshadowed by a profound emotional event.” This memory-muting potential could certainly explain why some women only vaguely remember the pain of their labor and delivery experience.

Some tough memories are harder to access

Some memories are “state-dependent,” meaning they’re only accessible under certain conditions, explains Emma Basch, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Washington, DC. In our everyday life, we’re generally not in the adrenaline-fueled, emotionally charged headspace required to access the intensity of our pain from childbirth.

A positive birth experience could color memories more favorably

A 2009 study found that women who perceived their labor and delivery experience to be negative tend to remember the pain in more detail years later. This makes sense—and, of course, some birth experiences are objectively more painful than others. Women tend to remember “traumatic birth experiences, but [this] can also happen related to differences in pain perception,” adds Basch.

The more we process together, the more pain loses its edge

Sharing our stories with others is not only cathartic and bonding, but it could also potentially aid in the rewriting of our painful memories over time. “Being able to talk through the birth experience can shift the focus away from the pain and more toward the emotional or even humorous aspects, gradually reshaping how it’s remembered,” says Sprung.

Real Moms on Forgetting or Remembering Childbirth

The ways in which we remember our labor and delivery are as unique as the experience itself. Here are some real stories that show how different people’s recollections of their birth journeys can be.

• “Honestly, I do forget—not because it wasn’t intense, but because the mix of total awe, shock and exhaustion is indescribable. It’s still hard to wrap my head around what our bodies are capable of. Pure badassery. And with the sleep deprivation, nursing and suddenly being responsible for a whole human, there’s just no time to rehash it all. We move forward fast.” — Marianna P., mom of one in Oakland, New Jersey
• “I still remember the pain. Not in a vivid, minute-by-minute way anymore, but there are flashes in my memory that are crystal-clear. I can still recall certain moments—the intensity, the physical strain, the way time seemed to stretch and compress at once. But it’s no longer a sharp, present pain; it’s more like a faded photograph in my mind.” — Janet B., mom of one in Encino, California
• “I think part of why we ‘forget’ is that time reshapes the sharp edges, allowing us to reframe the experience as one of empowerment rather than pain. Sharing our stories with other mothers also plays a huge role—it’s in telling and retelling that we find new meaning, heal the harder parts and hold onto what matters most: the proof that we can do hard things and that our bodies are capable of more than we ever imagined.” — Monica V.A., mom of two in Oslo, Norway
• “I don’t think you can ever truly forget the pain of childbirth—it’s one of the most intense experiences a human can go through. But your perception of that pain can shift from how it was ‘all-encompassing and unforgettable’ to absolutely worth it the moment baby’s in your arms.” — Erin F., mom of one in Fargo, North Dakota

To Sum It Up

We may never fully answer why some women seem to “forget” the pain of childbirth while others remember it as if it happened yesterday, but one thing’s for sure—childbirth is awe-inspiring and life-changing. Each woman’s experience is powerful and valid, whether they remember it in crisp detail or blessedly forget the less-than-pleasant. Whatever your birth experience (or recollection of it) may be, it’s unquestionable that giving birth is truly awesome and has a way of transforming us forever.

Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.