Kara Keough Bosworth Opens Up About Pregnancy Anxiety After a Loss
Nothing can quite capture the excitement and anxiety that comes along with finding out you’re expecting after a loss. But reality TV star Kara Keough Bosworth is attempting to put the bittersweet feeling into words.
The daughter of Real Housewives of Orange County star Jeana Keough, Bosworth’s recent baby announcement has now gone viral for her open and honest description of what it feels like to celebrate and hope for the future while also holding space for the grief and anxiety that comes with having lost a baby.
“After McCoy died, sharing my sorrow with you all helped," she wrote, telling the story of the loss of her first son. "Grieving out loud helped me name my feelings and confront them. Like a monster under the bed, they felt less scary in the daylight. Like maybe they couldn’t drag me down and eat me alive if I kept them well lit. So I hung my heart out for all to see, and swept exactly none of the muck under any damn rugs.F—- a rug; I wanted to feel it all.”
But when Bosworth found out she was pregnant with her now 2-year-old son Vaughn, she “quietly unfurled all the rugs. I lined every inch of my life with their insulating padding. I quit my job. I ignored phone calls and texts," she wrote. “I didn’t leave my house unless I had to (thanks Covid). I didn’t share our news with anyone that didn’t need to know. And when I did share, it sounded like I was telling them ‘I have ulcers.’ It was not a joyous celebration.”
"It was a painstaking and brutal admission: ‘I’m at risk for another heart-shattering catastrophe,’ Bosworth continued. "I was cocooned in a world of pain and did my best to shield myself from as many landmines as possible. I wanted to keep our joy private. I stuck my head in the sand and just prayed to God that our baby would live — even though I reminded myself every day that he might not.”
When she found out she was pregnant again a few months ago, though, things were different. “Maybe what the all-knowing ‘they’ say about time is true, though. Because THIS time, we want to celebrate every second we have with this soul."
Bosworth decided to not hold anything back going forward, adding that she and her husband had told their 7-year-old daughter Decker Kate and 2-year-old son Vaughn the happy news the day they got in the positive test. “Decker tells every person willing to listen that she’s the oldest of four kids as she lovingly strokes my belly. The joy spills out of her; she can’t wait to tell the world about Baby ‘Four,’” she wrote.
“I’ve clawed my way on board with Decker for her sake, and Vaughn’s, and McCoy’s. It SHOULD be a happy occasion that they’re getting another sibling. For me, there’s just a cautious reluctance to let the excitement fully absorb,” Bosworth added.
“But I can’t deny that it feels right that those that have sat with us on our grieving bench should have a seat in our joyous swings too. So, for that reason (and because Decker and her grandmother @jeanakeough can’t keep a secret for s—-), I’m proud and scared as hell to announce Baby Bosworth #4 — due in November,” she concluded her caption.
Several friends, fans and family members commented on the post celebrating the Bosworths happy news and thanking Kara for her efforts to put this complicated season of life into words. “I’m so happy for you, and I want to tell you the biggest thank you for bravely sharing your experience. I had a stillbirth a few months ago, and your raw and honest words about losing McCoy helped me to feel less alone and gave me strength,” shared one parent.
“I read somewhere that the baby after loss is the rainbow baby, and the next baby— the pot of gold. This beautiful soul, this golden baby: he is so loved already. What an honor it is for so many of us to feel the grief and to feel the joy with you. Baby #4. You tell ‘em, Decker. You are damn right you are the oldest of 4,” wrote another mom.
Pregnancy loss can be incredibly painful and difficult to process. If you or anyone you know has suffered a loss, read through our expert-recommended tips on how to cope and how to support a friend in the aftermath.