BookmarkBookmarkTick

Why I Stole From My Baby (and Why You Would, Too!)

ByJon Finkel
Updated
January 30, 2017
Hero Image
Image: Thinkstock / The Bump

I know what you’re thinking. Who steals from their own child? I do, that’s who. Now, before you get upset, you need to know that my daughter is just over a year and a half old and she can’t really make a legal claim to any property or possession since she relies on my wife and I to buy it. In addition, the items that I’ve stolen have not denied her in any way. In fact, she doesn’t even know they’re gone.

My career as a thief started small, as I’m sure most do. I simply needed to blow my nose and the only item I had in my car to do the job was a travel pack of Boogie Wipes. It’s not that my daughter told me I couldn’t use her Boogie Wipes or that there was a rule against it, but it had never occurred to me to use them in place of a normal, dry, soft tissue. In one blow, I was hooked. The grape-y goodness and the silky soft towelette was like a massage to my nose. “Wow,” I thought. “Boogie Wipes, where have you been all my life?!”

After that first use, I found myself looking for reasons to blow my nose just to re-live the experience. A random sneeze? Perfect. A slight itch? Bring it on. And when I actually got a cold it was almost worth it to have an excuse to bury my beak in the velvety smooth wipes on a regular basis. Soon, I was reaching deep into our Boogie Wipes stash, way up in the closet, until one day, as must happen to most addicts, I reached for a box… and there were none left. Only this time, I was reaching for a wipe for my daughter. In that instant, I knew I’d gone too far. From that moment on, I decided that I’d no longer masquerade as a man buying Boogie Wipes for his kid. I was going to buy double the wipes, proudly, so that we can both enjoy having clean, fruity-smelling noses, and I won’t have to swipe her wipes anymore.

As flu season rages, I have passed along the beauty of Boogie Wipes to many a co-worker and friend, each of whom has thanked me for opening their eyes to the possibility of a brighter nose-blowing tomorrow.

Do you “steal” from your baby? What have you taken?

Related Video
Mom teaching her baby object permanence with two toys.

How and When Do Babies Develop Object Permanence?

profile picture of Stacey Feintuch
Stacey Feintuch
Contributing Writer
Mom with her two toddler daughters who are close in age.

What Are Irish Twins?

profile picture of Christin Perry
Christin Perry
Woman pushing her baby in a Mocking Bird stroller.

Mockingbird Strollers Are Coming to a Target Near You in August

profile picture of Nehal Aggarwal
Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
07/29/2021
Hatch's maternity clothing sale, pictured erika dress and yuri jumpsuit

The Best Items to Shop From HATCH Collection’s End of Season Sale

profile picture of Nehal Aggarwal
Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
07/28/2021
JC Penny launches inclusive clothing kids line.

JCPenney Has Launched an Amazing New Line of Inclusive Kids Clothing

profile picture of Nehal Aggarwal
Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
07/27/2021
Mori launches new basic maternity clothing line.

MORI Launches Its First-Ever Maternity Clothing Line: Mama by MORI

profile picture of Nehal Aggarwal
Nehal Aggarwal
Associate Editor
Published
07/27/2021
Article removed.